A Choice of Gratitude

Lately, I've been facing some large emotional spaces in regard to my father. It's a place inside me where sorrow runs so deep that a breathless silence can absorb all words. Throughout our relationship, I have visited this sadness often enough that, in some ways, it seems to always be there. Yet, I am still somehow surprised each time by the refreshed heartache that new levels of grieving bring into focus.

But this time around, after a short period of customary resistance, I did something different. I offered my struggle a reprieve. I decided to simply acknowledge the impossibleness of this place where my awareness stands. I allowed myself a small measure of relief in the recognition that there is nothing acceptable about the situation I am facing. There is nothing that I can figure out to do or not do to make myself more comfortable in this impossible place. Something began to ease in me as I proclaimed the strength in my misery. Something shifted from feeling so pressing and personal. I realized that I didn't need to internalize my experience in order to sort it out. I didn't need to be miserable. The situation itself is miserable. As my perception shifted wavelengths, my emotional contraction saw an opening of space. My breath spread wide as if to catch me like a net from my unending fall into overwhelm.

A friend asked me one day, "Is there anything good that you can see about this situation?" Nothing was available in my scope that day. But I recognized its importance, and the question lingered. Another friend offered the perception that my father's life could be seen as his soul taking a stand that the unbearable and unspeakable legacy of pain stops here with him. This bigger picture of soul connection felt viable, and in that moment, outweighed the importance I had placed in my worldly focus of addiction, denial and rejection. As I sat to allow these seeds to root, I came across a favorite poem from my beloved friend, Rumi.

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture.

Still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond. ¹

Through this spoken generosity, my focus came back to gratitude. These words spoke my truth. As I felt the embrace of this grace, I recognized more deeply the intimate interconnectedness of who I am today with the seemingly failed dedication of my father's existence. My father has never welcomed his emotions. He has never been grateful for whoever comes. He has become stifled in clutter and without the expectation of new delight. He has resigned his will to obligation and denial, having never discovered the courage to make a choice of gratitude. And I realized right then … where he has failed to believe, I have succeeded. What he has denied, I have welcomed. Where he has been lost, I have found my truth. All that he is and is not has been folded into the fullness of who I am … and for the gift of who I am, I am grateful.

My father's inability to rejoice in being human has birthed in me a constant celebration ~ an observance of life that welcomes and treats each guest honorably. I adore the full spectrum of human emotion and believe whole-heartedly that each has been sent as a guide from beyond. Who I am is the blossom from my own choosing to unearth this strength and offer it a place of honor in my life. But before the blossom can unfold, it seeks strong roots in deep soil. I have access to this strength because of the nutrients of my father's suffering. At least, this is what I am choosing to believe. Amidst the impossibleness, I can allow peace and acceptance to flourish from this choice.

You've also been granted this strength of choice … to access some greatness that has grown from the seeds of your parents' or ancestors' pain. How have you been graced from the pain that has come before you? Where can you make a choice of gratitude? This gratitude is your bounty from all that has come before now ~ the pain, sorrow, torment, terror, shame, anguish and disappointment have all paved the path for your freedom. It is your choice to accept the denial of past … or claim your will to draw upon the strength of your ancestors' offerings and make a choice of gratitude.

For now, I stand soaked in sorrow as I grieve my father's unexpressed potential and unfulfilled life. But I will never be lost to the torment of his past. This suffering stops here with him. My pain will heal eventually, as the strength of my gratitude washes through the fibers of my aching being until I am renewed. And I have my father to thank for that certainty. Like an abundant and cozy blanket, I will wrap my love around my father's weary spirit and honor him with my passionate conviction to make a choice of gratitude. I welcome all my emotions with an open heart and meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in as my guests, for they may be clearing me out for some new delight … and I know my father's spirit will join me in this celebration!

¹ Rumi, The Guest House, Translated by Coleman Barks with John Moyne

Humility Purified

I took an early morning yoga class and enjoyed the chance to move my body in extra-ordinary ranges of expression. With passionate reverence, the teacher prompted our attention toward a compassionate awareness of ourselves: "… lift your head, and stretch your chest forward, breathing into the bowl of your pelvis, and bring forth whatever feelings follow the purification of your humility." In that tender and demanding moment, I unexpectedly found the freedom to express an old, familiar, embedded holding in my body. I connected with a part of myself that I usually recognize as an inner effort, fighting its way to the forefront of my attention in defiance of this holding. But instead of thinking in that moment, I breathed and chose to feel. With surprising ease, I found an opening of permission and emerged into an awareness of renewal and strength.

What followed this awareness was an instantaneous download of realizations about my relationship to humility and all that this concept has pre-defined for me through the offerings of my religious upbringing. I immediately recognized the importance of revisiting this held meaning and the weaving of its overt & subtle influences in my self-development. I started with the support of a baseline definition of humility: "a modest sense of one's own importance."1 Humility is referred to as a quality or condition of being humble, which is defined as "an unwillingness to draw attention to your own achievements or abilities; reserved; not large, extreme or excessive; not showy, elaborate or pretentious."

My thoughts immediately flooded with inquiry: Why is so much emphasis put on having a modest sense of self? Diving in further, I discovered that modesty is also synonymous with "unexceptional, ordinary & plain." I understand that in religious terms, we are taught to put our earthly selves in lesser status in order to elevate our focus onto higher spiritual priniciples. However, I don't feel congruent with a model of love that compels me to feel shame and be less than while also offering that I am a divine creation. Everything inside me feels a natural draw to expand beyond ordinariness. I do feel an exceptional exuberance of aliveness in my being. And I do desire to elaborately bring my attention to this realization of personal truth. When I allow myself to embody these actualities, I feel full of grace. My heart opens with ease, and I'm inspired to give and share more of myself.

It seems that this lesson of humility was meant to instill fear around becoming "too full" of my own self and protect me from the danger of not learning the value of submitting to a higher power of support. In this way, humility was designated as the guardian. However, I see it differently now. Humility does have a role in our development; it just doesn't have to be oppressive and limiting to our self-access. We absolutely need a fullness of self to undergo transformation … and humility is the purifier. Purification restores our freedom. In that radical moment of expression, as my spine stretched forward, opening my chest to free my heart's song, the simple gifts of profound gratitude and love for all of life poured forth. I believe that this is the point … the gifts that are made transparent in us from the purification of our humility. And in that moment, humility gave birth to significance, modesty emerged into boldness, and reservation softened into a self embrace.

Now, I invite you to discover the feelings that follow the purification of your humility. Let your humility serve as a guide toward your growth and expansion rather than as a limitation to the acceptance of your promise. Bring your chest forward, stretching your spine upward, breathing wide to spread your shoulders back. Soften your gaze, lifting your chin slightly to feel the opening of your throat and the lightness of your head. Breathe deep down into the bowl of your pelvis, extending your breath all the way down into the tail end of your spine, stretching into your pelvic floor long and strong. Allow yourself several cycles of relaxed inhale & exhale in this position to absorb the power of this cleansing. In this space of gentle pause, consider what gifts have been waiting to express from this purified energy in the core of your being. And without thinking about it, just breathe it into existence and know this truth to be your own.

1 Random House Dictionary

Mothering Ourselves

In the both the personal and professional aspects of my life, I've noticed that my encounters with people come in waves. As I listen to the spoken and unspoken tones of their experiences, I repeatedly find a common focus emerging. Recently, I've been paying more attention to the ways in which people compensate for the experience of incomplete mothering. I feel like I've been expanding my appreciation for this deep yearning that aches for healing. This kind of wounding is a feeling of being malnourished at the core, an insatiable depletion that persists amidst triumphs and accomplishments. It's a spiritual ache that drives us to seek moments of pause in an attempt to relinquish our exhausted struggle into the space of steady & strong arms that can hold our worries. And yet our pauses can only be brief, as we are overtaken with the compulsion to search for more. But more of what? How do we know what will truly soothe the ache that arises when we become aware of our longing to be mothered?

We have many idealized versions of mothering that persist, even though they consistently complicate our connection to what we seek. Our models of mothering are our models for love. Given that we go forth in life to build our future from these constructs, it makes sense to me that we would take some time to review the standards we have adopted from these ideals. One prominent concept we hold of mothering is the romanticized idea of a mother "who is always there." It's a model of mothering based in self sacrifice. A definition of sacrifice is "the loss incurred by giving up something valuable." Your development as an individual invites you to find pleasure & satisfaction in navigating your own experiences, strengthening your readiness to be with yourself in ways that fulfill you. So this model of sacrificing the self doesn't really support the intention of developing a strong sense of self. As we care for ourselves, we care for our culture. We have the ability to bring a new influence into our collective consciousness as we ourselves heal so that we can learn together to build & create free from this state of loss.

Another version that challenges our sense of knowing is the concept of a mother "who knows exactly what is needed." Eventually, you are destined to be the best person at knowing what you need by learning the necessary skills for translating those needs. Otherwise, the chances for developing habits, dependencies, addictions, compulsions & obsessions are significantly increased when you put someone else is put in charge of determining your needs. You will grow in invaluable ways as you allow yourself to gain treasured understanding through the trials-and-errors of self-exploration.

Socially, we've grown to value self-care in new ways, and now, we have simpler ideas for nourishing ourselves. However, we still have the tendency to relate to our longing to be mothered through the extremes of the either giving or receiving. We either think in terms of doing things for ourselves (exercise, rest) or handing over our self care to someone else (getting a massage, eating out). These adaptations do tap into aspects of our need for mothering, but they only recognize parts within a greater whole.

Ultimately, mothering is an interactive process ~ meaning it's a process of intention as we communicate, collaborate and develop cooperative partnerships of support. It's a re-energized interaction between isolated parts of you. It's the interface of you as an individual connecting with a community of support working together in response to your needs. You have the opportunity through your healing process to not just act out your ideas of self care but to actually embody them, creating a tangible relationship where trust can be restored. The nourishment provided by meeting your needs for mothering is about validation – "I matter" – encouraging you with boldness and bravery.

So what qualities can we strive to embody in this interactive model of mothering? Tony Robbins offers his insightful interpretation of our six basic human needs: Certainty, Uncertainty, Significance, Connections & Love, Growth, Contribution & Giving. The longing to be mothered is a culmination of these needs as expressed in our longing to be seen, heard & known.

• BEING SEEN … is to be attentive to who you are. Who you are exists beyond the conditions or circumstances of what you do. It is the craving in the deepest part of your being ~ to BE free. Being seen is a tangible reminder of the permission for freedom that is birthed when you express your heart's yearnings. It is allowing your perception to recognize the sense of ease in who you are and granting yourself the personal space to feel ownership for your longings, desires, wishes and dreams. It's a reminder of your need for belonging.
  
• BEING HEARD … is a quality of responsiveness that reveals your willingness to be true to yourself. And this is not an "average" willingness. It is a willingness infused with fierce conviction. This fierceness allows you to be bold in your willingness to take risks on your own behalf; to really listen to yourself so that you are willing to stand strong in what you know to be true for you; to provide fortification to the wisdom of your needs by giving yourself a voice. Acknowledging your wants, needs, desires, thoughts & feelings is a tangible step that you can take toward mothering yourself. A declaration claims the truth of the present, freeing your energy from compromise and offering respite in this moment.
  
• BEING KNOWN … is to nurture your instincts, encouraging and allowing yourself the permission to grow, develop and thrive. It is the recognition and acceptance that these needs are genuine, which is really a willingness to believe in your own authority. It is expressed in how you choose to extend understanding and compassion to yourself as a pledge of conviction to your well-being and safety.

To be seen, heard & known as you are right here, right now is to be identified as valid and whole in this moment. Being attentive to yourself softens your aches. Being responsive to yourself encourages the emergence of hope & courage. Nurturing yourself nourishes the pulse of your inner wisdom as a guiding beacon for inspiration.

Mothering ourselves is an essence offered and received not through what we do for ourselves. Rather, it is transmitted through the conscious intention that guides what we do for ourselves … with devotion, focus, consideration, tender affection and unrestrained adoration. We have the ability to truly heal our longing to be mothered, instead of merely compensating for the lack we sustained in the past. The healing is in how we choose to adapt our self-understanding so that we can brilliantly grow into the kind of mother that sees us, hears us & knows us, and offers celebration for who we are becoming with our very next breath.

Giving Yourself Permission

I had the opportunity to participate recently in two very memorable client sessions. Looking at the overall healing in both sessions, they were mirror images of each other, as well as a mirror of my own healing. One end of the spectrum was reflected in the struggles of a middle-age man who was building momentum toward important changes in his primary relationship and way of life. The other end of the spectrum was brilliantly portrayed through the developing identity of a four-year-old boy who was in the middle of negotiating the obstacles of growing up in an active family. Both individuals, while in different stages of physical & cognitive development, were facing the exact same crossroads in their self development … What do I want? What do I need? What does all this mean to me? The details of their changes were obviously different; however, their shared undercurrent was the readiness to explore the personal meaning of their own experiences.

This is an essential need we have as human beings ~ to determine meaning for ourselves. And when I say essential, I mean "absolutely necessary, basic and fundamental." So how is it that we have become so habitual in overlooking this critical component of human development when assigning value to our growth as a species?

The ability to determine meaning for ourselves affects every aspect of our development as human beings. Meaning provides the internal organization that we need to adapt. When meaning can be internally-referenced, we gain flexibility. However, sometimes an internal reference for meaning isn't easily accessible. In those circumstances, we can temporarily use the support of an externally established meaning. We can transpose this outside reference into our personal experiences, offering ourselves the security of temporary knowing. But that's all it's meant to be—a temporary framework, like the short-term support that a cast forms for mending bones. There is a short window of time that the cast is an advantage to the body. Past that point, the cast becomes a hindrance to the natural development of the body part that is healing. Our wholeness requires our focus to be self-referenced, just like bones need to mend and become strong from the inside. Otherwise, we adopt a state of weakness in our being. Like a body part that starts to atrophy from a lack of use, we will become more dependent on outside sources of energy to sustain us and less flexible in our capacity for acceptance & forgiveness. The outcome of this weakening of self leads to places of addiction, intolerance, disillusionment and broken-heartedness.

In the scenario of the middle-aged client, he needed to find the courage to make new choices. He had gained the required awareness of his own changing needs. Now, he was ready to take the next step to finding his own meaning … to guide his budding perceptions, to encourage his mending heart, to energize his body and fuel his choices into conscious action. He called forth the permission to prioritize his needs in a new way, a way that allowed greater access to the unlimited potential he had long held silent in his being.

The four-year-old needed help with translating his need for space, the space every human being requires in order to explore new realms of personal meaning. He had lived his whole four-year-old life through the symbols of his father, mother & big brother, and now, it was his time for discovery. The request being made was one of spaciousness, breath and simplicity. The little boy found agreement to allow this in himself, while at the same time, his father found the willingness to release his own suffering over the struggle to understand his son's needs. Father & son inspired each other to unite in the permission to embrace their own sense of meaning, and from this place, everything else was allowed to make sense.

Permission is the key ~ an agreement to allow. We've been given lots of warnings to fear becoming "full of ourselves," so full that we risk being ravaged with selfishness and disregard for the needs of others. But selfishness isn't about being too full in our sense of self. Selfishness is born from the unacknowledged and withheld permission to connect with our own needs and have our own meaning. It's the obsessive state of concern we feel when we can't discern what is required to meet our own standards for fulfillment. The disconnection from these essential needs causes us to become fixated in our drive to feel full. We can become so desperate that we will fill ourselves with anything that comes close, but will never truly nourish us like the fullness of self.

This is why you must strive to understand what things mean to you. This meaning is the language of your needs. This meaning is the expression of your uniqueness ~ because you are the caretaker of your needs. It has been bestowed upon you to act as the best representative of your needs and to live in the way that best honors your spirit. This is your sacred agreement with yourself and an inherent bond of trust that requires you to find out what is meaningful to you.

Ultimately, this permission is yours to give and yours to have, free & clear ~ you have been gifted with this authority from the beginning. Wounding may have cloaked this truth in secrecy, but now you know, and now you are free to remember. The world has been waiting for your contribution, and the key you've been given to unlock this invitation is your willingness to find out what things mean to you. So review your rules, investigate your assumptions, and challenge your certainty. Consider where you can agree to allow more for yourself. Explore where you can give yourself more permission to be courageous.

We've been led to believe that it's all so risky to question the established meaning of things. But honestly, the real risk is not living a life that is full of you ~ full of your richness and goodness, full of your blessings and light. I urge you to boldly take this risk. You might just discover your own heartbeat in what you believe. You may just realize how lovable you are ... and how much love you have to give. It is here that you will find the courage to allow yourself to truly live.

Reinterpreting Your Interpretations

Recently, I was given the opportunity to revisit the interpretations that were useful to me in referencing myself and my life 22 years ago. I was surprised to find some old pain lingering in those interpretations. I hadn't focused on these memories in quite awhile and was unaware that my interpretations were unconsciously holding a marker for an outdated perception from my past. I mostly remembered myself at this time in my life as having a desperate readiness for change, an inability to bring resolution to my current circumstances, and a culmination of intensity that gave me the will to fight for my right to change my life in ways that were essential for me to flourish. I did move into a new direction of life, with new relationships and different routines, while also carrying with me the unsettled acceptance of things left incomplete. I internalized my inaccessible sense of resolution in a way that engaged me in a very personal, probing inquiry about the quality of my overall relationship to life: "Why can't I have what I want?"

As my life moved on, I hadn't realized that this question had stayed with me and become a link in my subconscious orientation to change. Whenever I would sense a need for change in my being, this unconsciously held interpretation of being unsupported through the process of change would flip on like a switch. The definition of an interpretation is "an explanation that establishes the meaning or significance of something." My interpretation established that change was a desperate & difficult process that challenged my sense of permission to have what I wanted in life. This interpretation instructed me to go about the process of change by building my internal fire of frustration, anger & dissatisfaction, finally culminating in a force of will to stand in the place of "I no longer accept this!" so as to catapult me across the chasm of indecision & compromise into greater clarity and movement toward what I wanted. This interpretation maintained the necessity for struggle in accessing and responding to my changing needs. This assumed sense of embattled effort was a reinforcement of my parents' model of change, and became a self-imposed state of suffering as I transferred this meaning into my own experience of change.

As my self-understanding has grown through the years, I have learned that my personal model for change actually involves much greater degrees of ease than I ever thought possible 22 years ago. I actually "go with the flow" really well and have a natural comfort & excitement for embracing change. As a result of my shift in self-perception, my relationship to life has adjusted a great deal since back then. However, amidst all my changes, that 22-year-old interpretation was still active. It wasn't a daily program I used in life, but it was still there as a lingering undertone that was once useful in making sense of my experiences. Even though I had moved on for the most part, my system was still allocating energy for that interpretation to be available just in case it could be useful again someday. The catch is that based on who I've become, there is absolutely no congruence in that interpretation with who I am today. I had "forgotten" about my inborn ability to reinterpret my past interpretations so that my precious energy for living was feeding who I am right now and who I am becoming in the next moment.

Our interpretations provide us with everything we need to originate and modify different versions of reality as we change. They are the primary mechanism through which we extract meaning from our thoughts and feelings. At first, we use our senses to acquire information and then mentally translate this information to form a perception. Without even realizing it, we can easily make the leap into accepting our translations as real and true. If the meaning we apply is useful to us, then we are inclined to organize our interpretations into beliefs. With consistent usage, we further refine these beliefs, expanding their usage into a full-fledged belief system. However, we also possess this remarkable ability to reinterpret our interpretations. Meaning holds different values for us as we change, and through interpretation, we assign meaning. So how is it that we so easily forget to utilize this amazingly creative ability to reinterpret our experiences?

Even though your family may not have offered you this tool, it is your natural birthright as a human being to determine what is meaningful for you and to utilize your interpretations to give you access to the meaning that will bring your life into purpose. Many people will argue that "These events took place, this is what happened, and nothing can change that." This is the statement of a mind that has accepted its own interpretations as truth. The "facts" of what has happened are what they are – something was done, said, denied or lost. But what it means is determined by you through your interpretations. Even the most harmful events don't require you to be harmed. Even the most personalized encounters can be reinterpreted to restore freedom to the perception of being held captive to your experiences. Reinterpretation is a skill that needs practice and is often best supported through the assistance of others. However, sometimes we are so ready for change that when life offers us the chance to let go of old interpretations, we simply open ourselves to a shift in perception, allowing the part of us that was being held hostage to be gently guided back to the heart of who we are now.

Even if you aren't aware of your past interpretations having a hold on you, your clarity of purpose, or the direction & momentum of your life, it is still useful to ask yourself if you are willing to take the time to review your past and see if any parts stand out as having a set-in-stone meaning associated with your stories. Sometimes, those places of perceived certainty are referenced by the remembrance of your storyline being "the only way things could have happened," or the feeling of being stuck with the way it was and having no choice, or reflected in your held judgments of someone else's actions, inactions or words. This isn't a suggestion to wrestle with your past. This is an invitation to become aware of the interpretations that give meaning to your pain, struggle and incompleteness ~ so that you can offer yourself the chance to reinterpret your interpretations in a way that empowers you to grow into your fullest potential and bring forth your greatest expressions of inspiration.

"Each of us has to come to terms with how we're affected by holding

on to an old, unevolved view of ourselves and our lives.

Each of us has to make a conscious decision to alter our world

by altering our interpretations. Shift your interpretation of a word,

and not only will it lose its negative charge, it will return

your own power to you. … Remembering we are the ones

choosing what we see is essential."

Author Debbie Ford offers further insight into the process of reinterpreting your interpretations in her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming your Power, Creativity, Brilliance & Dreams ("Reinterpreting Yourself"—Chapter 8, pp. 123, 133).

Blessed to be a Witness

As we encounter each other in daily life, we are offered opportunities to experience one another in a place of personal suffering. Suffering is defined as "physical or psychological pain and distress." We are mostly accustomed to identifying physical suffering, as we observe someone struggling with an illness, managing the effects of disease, or coping with an injury or deformity. Psychological suffering is less accepted. We are fascinated by our capacity to engage and express suffering. We allow ourselves to investigate vicariously through movies and images of world disaster. Yet, we really don't know what to do when that "private" part of our experience is exposed in daily life.

When another person reacts from that vulnerable place of distress, we have learned to guard ourselves with ideas of threat that substantiate our defensiveness. We have adopted ideas of being "put upon" as though we believe that others have the power to control our goodness and influence us back into our darker parts. We have been taught to not let others "pull us down" as they descend into the depths of their own anguish & pain. Suffering is a very personal experience, and we've all learned to take it so very personal. But suffering is also universal. Every single human being will experience at some point in their lifetime some form of internal conflict, torment, oppression, persecution, agony or sorrow that feels unbearable. Suffering is a state of loss, which can be sudden or start as an irresolvable discomfort that produces greater degrees of struggle and pain in our bodies and being. But suffering is more than pain; it is a combination of physical, mental, emotional & spiritual distress. Given that we all have this capacity in common, why is it so difficult for us to navigate being a witness to each other's suffering?

It has a lot to do with what part of our being we live from. If we live our lives from the mind, then we are more likely to perceive suffering as a loss of control. The body is our natural resource for allowing the experience of suffering, not the mind. The mind is for analyzing, understanding, organizing, compartmentalizing, categorizing and putting things together. Suffering is a need for pause, for breaking things down, to disarm and disassemble in order to reveal something deeper. We will be as disoriented with another's suffering as we are unfamiliar with our own. As we learn to live our lives more from our bodies, we encounter the awareness and sensitivity to things deeper in our humanity, giving birth to the tolerance and compassion that brings forth the true witness in each of us. Bearing witness to our own suffering and being in service to witness the suffering of another … these are our ultimate obstacles and our greatest capacity for union, joining each of us as a link in the formation of an enhanced and expanding whole.

Through the focus of the intellect, the mind will attempt to put up barriers to being present with observable suffering. These barriers present themselves mostly in the form of judgment. We feel more comfortable when we can judge someone else's behavior as "inappropriate," usually in calculations of too much or not enough. We seem to pick up on the personal nature of another's suffering, but since our mind's perception responds with so much filtering, we end up applying our experience too personally and make it about protecting ourselves. We feel treated unfairly, improperly, victimized by the other person's place of imbalance, as though we are being challenged or imposed upon by their inability to be more in control of their own experience. We focus on how we are being affected, and how out of control we feel in the presence of suffering. We perceive that the other person's "unacceptable" behavior has the power to inflict upon us unjustified pain, which we naturally want to deflect, resist and resent.

What if we could recognize in that moment that we are receiving insight about another's state of suffering? What if we could actually make this conscious distinction and acknowledge the suffering that is present in another, and then allow our own perception to be informed with this awareness? What if this awareness of suffering didn't threaten us, but actually enlightened us as to how to be in relationship with our own experience? What if we actually felt grateful for the opportunity to bear witness to a fellow human being in this place of creative birth, with the knowledge that the fires of suffering will burn away all that is unimportant and leave only the truth to remain? What if this knowledge is our gift too?

We have been granted the unique access through suffering to see each other, hear each other, and to be known. What if the growing degree of suffering in this world is simply an invitation to stand before each other and receive the collective blessings of our oneness? Will we decline this invitation and continue to react through separation & containment, fostering self-preservation and denying our longing to belong? Or will we choose to stand in this place of honor and proclaim our existence through our infinite capacity for love and our boundless power to embrace one another amidst our suffering? We will pass from this life in time, but while we are here in each other's presence, what if we offered our hearts instead of protecting them … what if we were blessed to be a witness?

"Glory behold all my eyes have seen, have seen ...

I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed to be a witness.

Gather around for today won't come again, it won't come again ...

I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed to be a witness.

So much sorrow and so much pain, still I will not live in vain …

I am blessed, I am blessed, I am blessed to be a witness."

Ben Harper, Excerpt from Blessed To Be a Witness (Diamonds On The Inside, Album)

The Recipe of Your Life

It's amazing to me how familiar we are with the concept of lack. Lack is defined as either "not having enough of something" or the "absence of a particular thing." It refers to things neglected, ignored and overlooked. It helps us to delineate what we have & who we are by what is absent. It governs what we are willing or unwilling to receive. We can recognize lack in the places where we have given up, and given in to indifference, carrying with us the ghosts of broken-heartedness, disappointment, betrayal, resentment, or simply numbness. Lack feels very real when we acknowledge the scarce or non-existent money or support in our lives. However, before the effect of lack persists in our lives, there exists a perspective of lack – the idea that something essential has been omitted. This idea compels us to operate under the assumption that what we need has not been anticipated & supplied; that something offered or promised was not fulfilled; that what should have been was not allowed or provided, causing us to go without whatever we needed, wanted or deserved.

Overall, our perspective of lack is a powerful determinant in shaping our life experiences. Given the potent influence of this perception, it is worthwhile to question where we have applied this interpretation, causing us to believe that something we need is missing in our experience. Where do you believe that lack exists in your life? What part of your life has been tucked inside the protective perception of lack? This perception helps us cope with the experiences that we cannot accept or tolerate. The idea of lack gives us a way to contain the messy effect of these experiences in our identity. Lack acts as a safety measure to help us regain a perception of control. But this perception is not a true exercise of self-authority, for as long as lack is present in our reasoning, we are living in the oppression and torment of our incompletenesses.

The assessment of lack brings with it distortion, altering our perceptions and causing us to make things personal. But in order to explore our experiences more fully, we need a more neutral or objective way of considering this element. We need a different set of assumptions to allow us to investigate our beliefs and discover new insights. What about using the concept of a recipe? Recipes give us clear guidelines by providing a list of ingredients and instructions for making something. Just as every essential ingredient is listed on the recipe (eggs, butter, flour, sugar …), so is every non-essential ingredient omitted (salt, pepper …). Sometimes a recipe offers additional options, like adding raisins or chocolate chips. Just as these extra ingredients are optional, the principle ingredients listed in the recipe are critical. We assume that the recipe's success depends upon the combination of the necessary ingredients, as well as the purposeful absence of other ingredients.

What if we viewed our lives as having a recipe? What if instead of assuming that we lack what we need – that somehow the essential ingredients to our happiness and success were overlooked, forgotten or withheld from us – instead, we took a leap of faith and accepted that the main ingredients present in our childhood were the necessary ingredients of our recipe? What if you considered that you received exactly what your life recipe called for, nothing more and nothing less? What if the parts that were "missing" are actually unessential to the recipe of your life? These questions offer a considerable shift in perspective, especially if you harbor pain for how things have been in your life. But truly, what do you have to lose … except for the familiarity and the pain?

If you believe that something has been missing in your life, and that this lack has been a handicap to you, your personal growth will remain stifled and your expression of joy will remain muted as long as this story of lack is unable to change. We are meant to grow throughout our lives, which sometimes means acquiring new experiences, and definitely means acquiring new perspectives about our experiences. Our perspectives allow us to integrate, which means to become more whole, or they can also bind us in our fragmentation, leaving us to feel separate & detached. This disconnected place is where we can feel very alone and isolated. This is a forsaken place that is entered and departed through perspective. You can choose to remain hostage here, or seek to regain your freedom.

You may have adopted your perspective of lack under duress. You may have needed it to navigate a crisis. It may have been the only belief helping you to make sense of things until now. But as long as you continue to apply lack to your life and filter the truth of your experiences, you will continue surviving. So the question that follows this awareness is … Is survival the standard of living that nurtures you? We filter our experiences to feel safe, but this filter also removes our access to the exact ingredients and instructions that transform our pain into wisdom and our sorrows into blessings. You can continue getting by, but one day for sure, it will no longer be enough. And when it is no longer enough for you to live from lack, it will be time for you to return to your recipe, with its special ingredients and instructions for making the one and only life that is meant for you.

Listening to Your Tension

Tension is a natural resource for your body. However, we've adapted ourselves to the cultural perspective that tension is our adversary. We have dedicated great degrees of effort and creativity to reducing the disruptive influences of tension. We've created pills to assist us with our inability to be at ease in our bodies and our lives. We've learned practices to relieve our struggles and amplify relaxation. We participate in activities to discharge blockages and restore balance. But no matter what we do, tension returns. With tension as our adversary, we seem to be in constant battle for peace. Maybe we need a new assumption; maybe it's time to gain a new perspective. Is it possible that tension could be an ally in our growth?

We can identify tension through states of acknowledged discomfort: as we become reactive, through a sense of being controlled, as we encounter limitations, as expressed through worry & strain. However, tension is also definable as a byproduct of the energy that is your power supply for life. Tension is the consequence of "held energy" in your being. Energy is needed by every aspect of your being as food for optimal functioning in your body, mind, emotions & spirit. The level at which you function is determined by how much "freed up energy" is available for your being to use ~ to fuel you at either survival levels of function or in states of thriving and growth. So in this way, tension can be viewed as a "marker" for reminding you that you have vital life energy in storage, like unused money in the bank.

How does held energy become freed-up so you can have more fuel to live your life more fully? Transforming the state of your energy is a process of conversion. As tension builds in our bodies, so does focus. This focus signals us to bring our attention back into ourselves and listen to our needs. Sometimes, we listen through the sensations of restriction, fullness or tightness. Other times, our symptoms link us to our tension. Through all of this support, we are given the chance to make a voluntary shift in focus back to ourselves. However, if we are unwilling to listen, then we can expect our symptoms to intensify to the point of "demanding" that we return to home base and listen to our bodies. It is essential for our health and wholeness that we learn to be responsible for ourselves by tuning-in, recognizing & responding to our needs.

There are many health practices that offer structure for this learning process of greater self-responsibility. However, you have it within you right now to begin paying attention:

1) TUNING-IN TO YOUR NEEDS: The easiest way of adopting this daily practice is through the support of your focused breath & touch. Offer yourself a pause each day, closing your eyes to give yourself a break from the input of the world, and breathe, at least 10-20 breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Use each breath to bring your attention, from wherever it is at this moment, back onto you and back into your body. Place your hands on your torso wherever you feel your breath moving in your body (for example, your belly, ribcage or your chest). Your touch is a natural cue that your brain knows how to translate into focus.

Pause at least once a day to consciously tune-in to yourself through your breath and touch. Try checking-in before you get out of bed in the morning and before you fall asleep at night. Do this tuning-in process when you feel yourself getting stressed in your day, moving too fast or feeling too busy. Feel your muscles expand outward with the inhale and release inward with the exhale. Allow yourself to shift your attention back to your internal setting. This is where your needs reside, inside you. This pause is your time to remember the importance of you & your needs in the midst of your busyness.

2) RECOGNIZING YOUR NEEDS: After you have found your breath, notice your tension. Recognize where it is it located … all over, in your head, in a specific set of muscles or deep inside you? Notice where you feel tired, heavy or uncomfortable, and bring your touch there. Breathe in your nose & out your mouth as you link your awareness to the tension. Let your breath be gentle, not too intense or deep, just easy and full.

If your breath is hard to connect with, count out the length of your inhale & exhale. We tend to breathe shallow when we are busy. Find out your baseline breathing rhythm by counting out the reach of your in & out breath. Notice if your inhale & exhale rhythms match. Challenge yourself to stretch out your breath one increment at a time. The count of five will be a full breath. If your baseline breath is at two, then a gradual shift to a three then four-count will be enough to supportively alter your blood pressure, heart rate and brain waves. Find a comfortable shift that you can allow.

3) RESPONDING TO YOUR NEEDS: The purpose of energy is to express life, and movement is the means for that expression. Tension reminds us of our need for movement. Movement is necessary to our physical, mental & emotional health. Our bodies need to move, our thoughts need to change, and our feelings need to express. Tension will build in us as a result of stifled movement if any of these needs go unacknowledged.

Change is movement, and movement allows us to embrace change rather than resist it. Change stretches us, and our degree of being stretched for growth produces tension. So touch the tension in your body, in your head, wherever you can notice it, and offer the needed movement with your hands. Remember that movement brings change naturally, so you don't need to force it or figure it out. You have your breath to internally massage and help you feel yourself. You have your touch to bring the warmth & circulation needed to restore your body's energy flow. And you have your focus to direct your movement, allowing your being to stretch beyond the bindings of your tension and seek the spaciousness that is needed for integration.

Tension prompts you to embody the movement that is needed to alter your momentum, to merge your attention with the flow of change and connect your presence into the moment that is unfolding right now. Tension serves as a guardian, deterring you from faltering or losing yourself in a life of settling and habitual routines. Tension honors your conviction for growth and leads you back to stand on firm ground. Tension is a reminder of your WHOLE SELF ~ that who you are is of greater value than your separate parts. The way of the world emphasizes that only certain parts of us are needed for participation in life, and we are practiced at offering only those parts that will assure us the things we need most. But we must also remember that it takes a tremendous amount of energy to be compartmentalized in our being, and it comes with specific consequences that absolutely diminish our quality of life.

Change is occurring in us daily, and if we do not choose to tune-in, recognize & respond to these changes, then we will eventually find ourselves living a life that has little or no meaning. So grant yourself a daily pause to remember your needs, as these are your special instructions for finding inspiration & wholeness. Practice listening to your tension. Your body is a literal wealth of insights, and your tension is a devoted reminder of the treasures that are waiting to be discovered inside you. These treasures are the gifts of who you are, and your gifts are urgently needed in this world.

Secrets & Miracles

I have been reminded lately about the power of secrets as catalysts in our lives. From the time we are born, we begin acquiring the rules of secrecy, both spoken and unspoken, in the expectation that we will take our place in the family as the next holder of the secrets. We eagerly learn what is needed to belong, including the passivity that gives secrets their power. We watch as those secrets command their authority over the people we love, as we come to accept the shrunken version of life that adheres to this artificial containment field. However, within a lineage of stifled truth, the innate in us will eventually find a way to break free and bring forth a rekindling of life. Eventually, a generation will emerge within each family whose consciousness will seek to take back the power of the secrets.

Secrets are a holding place for unclaimed courage. As we reawaken the desire to stand in the truth and discover our willingness to consciously participate in life, our secrets will gift back to us the power to shift our pain into freedom, our resistance into acceptance, and our loss into wisdom. This unexpected invitation reunites us with the possibility of change, opening a pathway into a realm of healing, igniting a fire within for transmutation. And this is the meeting place between the world of secrecy and the world of miracles, for healing has no rules, no limitations when we break our silence and reclaim our truth.

How can we distinguish a secret? From the Encarta Dictionary, a secret is "information that is intentionally withheld, unknown, hidden or not understood." These are the things that are not spoken about. We deem our silence as an offering of loyalty, and therefore, an alliance with love. We must withhold what we know, keep hidden what has happened, tolerate what we cannot understand, and pretend to accept that this is enough, that we don't need more or want more for ourselves & our families.

How do secrets perpetuate a legacy of disconnection for so many generations? First and foremost, secrets need agreement. In families, collusion is offered consciously & unconsciously as fuel for maintaining the bonds of secrecy. We learn what we do and don't do as a family, and the acceptance of these guidelines ensures our membership into this community. And since this group is associated with meeting our most important needs, we are willing to make the sacrifice. At the time, we are unable to truly assess the "cost" of this trade. Yet, we offer ourselves in this ultimate sacrifice, and in exchange for the love we need, we bind ourselves in silence, following the invisible footsteps of others who have come before us on a path forged by the loss of self.

The crazy part of secrecy is that no one is happy living within this system; no one thrives. It's a system of taking. As life seeks to infuse us with inspiration, we must give everything and more to preserve the containment that insures our secrets are safe. It's a substitute safety that cloaks an over-exposed time. But as time moves forward, safety is meant to be restored naturally as truths are brought back into the light of a loving and compassionate response. That response is often times not available within the family. Since the identity of the individual has been lost, the family's identity has become muddled in a pretense of arranged and dissociated living. This is where the assistance of an outsider is helpful; you do not need to make this journey alone.

Psychological & somatic practices exist to bring body, mind, emotion & spirit back into a unified state of being. The key shift is your willingness to interact with what you have previously avoided. Start exploring the questions that have formed in you throughout your life. The questions are there. We know to question what doesn't make sense, and over time, an allegiance to secrecy will produce enough disconnection that the whole will no longer make sense. "Why do we do these things this way?" "Why don't we talk about these things?" You know when the normal flow of relationship to something is being disrupted; you've just learned to accept that it is the way it is.

As you start to explore, breaking your own silence, freeing the part of you that hungers for more, this is where you enter the realm of miracles. Energy can flow where it has been constricted. Your body can relax where it has been loyal to holding. Your mind can wonder where it hasn't been allowed to question. Your spirit can recover the self you have lost. And all you are asked for entry is your willingness to know. Knowing doesn't require all the details. Sometimes the details are lost with those who pass away or those who can't let go, so know that the details are unimportant. Knowing is about a willingness to stand in the truth ~ the truth that your secrets are not who you are ... that you are so much more and you deserve a life of freedom.

I don't know where I encountered this definition, but I offer its simplicity as a guide into this new realm of self discovery:

"A miracle is merely the transition of denial into truth."

Near the end of the movie, Miracle at St. Anna, an insight is offered to the main character who has long suffered under the burden of secrecy – "Safety is the greatest risk of all, because safety leaves no room for miracles, and miracles are the only sure thing in life."

There are those of us who have recovered this spark of life and grown strong within ourselves. We have asked these questions and made this crossing. So when you are ready, we will be there to welcome you into this new realm of life and into a new community of support. When you are ready, you have permission to take back your truth, and step into your light, and claim your miracles.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field … I'll meet you there." (Rumi)

The Questions We Ask Ourselves

The questions we ask act as the origins for how we perceive ourselves & the world. These questions lead us to organize the assumptions that define for us what's right & wrong, good & bad, and give us the outline for what we understand to be real. So when it comes to making change, looking at the questions we ask ourselves is an insightful place to start. If you are experiencing repeating patterns in life, outcomes that feel the same or similar in how they affect you, then you can know that you are asking the same questions over & over again. Sometimes, we persistently focus our attention through one particular question: "What's wrong with me?" And other times, we attempt to solicit feedback through seemingly different questions that are only variations on the same theme: "Why does this keep happening to me?" ~ questions that lead us to the exact same end point, even when we start with the best of intentions to change our trajectory. If you are ready to open yourself to new ways of experiencing life, then it's time to review the questions that you imbue with the power to guide you.

Your questions reflect your state of mind, and this consciousness directs your body movement. If you hesitate or act spontaneously, take risks or respond out of habit, over-react or pause to reflect ~ your state of mind guides your actions. Asking yourself new questions can provide a shift in perspective that will lead your body in new ways. Asking "Why won't this end?" gears your focus toward feelings of powerlessness; whereas asking the question "Why do I keep doing this?" brings your oppressed & passive viewpoint into active battle with your frustration. Helplessness assists you in moving from resistance to surrender, to a place where you can let go of the struggle. Only then can you find a direct path to connect with your inner conflicts, where your energy is summoned to wrestle for authority over your perceived bindings & limitations. From this place, it is possible to win back your freedom.

Donald M. Epstein, D.C., refers to this building momentum, in his book The 12 Stages of Healing, as "Reclaiming Our Power." This fourth Stage of Healing gives us insight to an awareness of not feeling honored in the way that we care for ourselves and live our lives. In this place of growth, you begin to recognize the incomplete needs, unexpressed desires, and withheld movement in your body. It's a time when you don't yet know how to change your relationship to these restricted aspects of your identity, but realize that you can no longer keep doing what you've been doing, in the same way, for the same reasons. If you allow yourself, you will recognize the declarations of a new language emerging: "I can't keep doing this." "I can't keep living like this." "I must let go of anything that no longer serves me." "I can no longer accept this as my standard; I deserve more." We can distinguish a sense of "more" that is needed, but remains currently undefined. This awareness demands the asking of new questions to support the body in finding a new alignment:

How can I express myself with more courage?

How can I be more honest with myself about my needs?

What must I do to no longer dishonor myself?

Start by breaking down your experience into smaller steps of connection: What feels honoring to you? As a reference, honor is associated with respect, dignity & strength. So what makes you feel strong? What actions lead you to respect yourself? When do you feel most pleased with yourself? Notice when your energy lifts and invites you to feel satisfied & proud ~ what can you observe about your behavior when you feel this way? What allows you to express your goodness? What makes it easier to trust yourself?

Then, bring your awareness to the contrast: What feels dishonoring to you? Dishonor is associated with disgrace, humiliation & shame. When can you remember feeling humiliated or embarrassed from your actions or inactions? What behaviors & perspectives cause you to hold this judgment of shame on yourself? What have you accepted that was less than what you wanted, less than what you deserved? Notice when your energy sinks and nudges you toward defeat ~ what can you observe about your behavior when you feel this way? Where in your life has it become difficult, painful or impossible to trust?

Asking new questions to support a new focus in your perception is a process. A process implies incremental steps that must be taken to make ready a new alignment for promoting growth and change. This is a natural unfolding that is meant for each of us, to open us up to life and expand our perception of what is possible. We are meant to know that we are more, that we exist as potential, ready to embrace the yearning that drives us to wake up & embody our wholeness.

Start with this moment. As you move throughout your day, continuously pause to breathe, interrupting the habit to disassociate from your experience. Take a gentle inhale through your nose, and allow your jaw to drop & relax as you exhale through your mouth. Pause and offer yourself at least ten breaths of acknowledgement. Give yourself the space to be aware of your body and all that it is doing for you. Allow your pause to include a new inquiry, checking in with the you that is changing right here, in this very moment. Ask yourself "What is different about me right now?" … different since the last time you checked in, different than you believe, different than you expect. You are changing constantly.

Sometimes our senses need time to reacclimate to the subtle. Temporarily, we can use a more familiar reference: "Does everything feel exactly the same as it always has? … as it did before?" We often start with noticing our stress, strain & symptoms. When we have neglected ourselves by becoming accustomed to a life that dishonors us, we must find the courage to notice what effect these choices have had on us. But don't be discouraged for long because our bodies literally ache to forgive us, waiting for the moment that we will breathe life back into ourselves. Our bodies will hold on, for as long as possible, waiting to receive us in that moment when we return to ourselves. It takes practice to bring attention to the places where ease, comfort, acceptance and surrender reside in us. Allow your attention to follow your breath. Somewhere in your body, the breath expands you and shows you where you can be more present with yourself. Touch this place and feel the breath move your body. Start here. This is vital proof of safety for the part of you that has forgotten how to trust.

No matter how long it has been since you have trusted, or if you feel like you have never learned, your body waits to receive you and show you the way. Trusting honors us. Trusting feeds us. When we trust, we instantaneously accept love's offering, and love is our ultimate nourishment. Find out what questions you can ask yourself to nourish the part of you that longs to trust, that hungers for the ease of accepting more love into your being. Your life is waiting for you to learn to ask the questions that will bring you to life and lead you to the love you deserve ~ the love that is your unclaimed legacy, your advisor for who you are meant to become, your blessing and your permission to be.

Practice Not Making It Personal

I have been noticing a pattern of "personalizing" as clients & friends, including myself, navigate this time of dynamic change. I have found it to be considerably challenging to maintain a focus of self exploration while also participating with awareness in the diverse changes taking place in the world right now. There seems to be an exaggerated state of "disorientation" being experienced by those who tune-in with sensitivity to the subtle energies that link us in our collective consciousness. A persistent sense of overwhelm or fullness is present. Other challenges include an increased need for sleep, depressed energy levels, anxiousness, scattered or obsessive thoughts, memory disruption, physical unrest, amplified emotional tension and intensified discharges. Release is essential but often difficult to connect with and allow. The habit is to follow the inclination to qualify these experiences with an ordinary overview: "I feel depressed," "I just can't seem to focus," I feel like crying for no reason," I feel so tired lately," I just feel so irritable," "I don't feel inspired or clear about anything." However, there is nothing ordinary about this time in our history.

We are so accustomed to making our experiences personal, reducing our exchanges with life into obsessive, unfulfilling self-reprimands: I didn't do enough, I said too much. With everything we are taught to take into consideration when engaging with ourselves & the world, it is important to be reflective of your self-connection: "How do I feel about what happened?" "How did that affect me?" The habit of making things personal interferes with our inner lens being able to focus and provide us this reflecting space, like holding a book too close to your eyes so that the words appear blurry & unrecognizable. A softer focus allows for the contemplation and observation that yields the consideration we are seeking ~ that we matter.

So how do we translate our experiences in a way that nurtures us at our core? We have the power to cultivate anxiety & self doubt or an expansion of peace & connectedness within ourselves simply through the way we translate. Interpreting your experience as I feel depressed shrinks your identity into a generalization, providing both containment and confinement. Generalizations are useful in supplementing a sense of safety when we are challenged by "too much" unknown. We are temporarily comforted by the feeling that "at least I know this." The need for temporary comfort is real at times, but ultimately, we ache to be nourished by having access to the inner connections that bring us into awareness and encourage us to flourish & grow.

Instead of generalizing, try noticing your body sensations. How could you describe the sensations in your body right now? If you have difficulty bringing this internal awareness into words, then attempt to describe the sensations you like different from the ones you don't like. Use contrast to make distinctions: "This part feels hot; this area feels cold," or tingly versus stagnant, or empty versus full. The awareness of sensations in the body brings us into a more personalized connection with ourselves. It allows us to focus on what is known in this moment, and permit the rest of the unknown variables to just be in our awareness for now.

There will be days when everything will feel so personal: Why do I feel this way? What's wrong with me? Let questions like these be a reminder that your lens needs softening. Sometimes, this can be achieved by posing a different inquiry:

How am I meant to grow by being intimately connected

to these larger changes?

What ways can I nourish myself today to feel safe in my body

so I can be more allowing of these changes?

What is the advantage for me to be stretched in this way?

Remember to allow for movement as you notice your internal sensations. Gently rock your body side-to-side or front-to-back, or in small circular motions, as your attention follows your breath. Use your hands to massage an area and generate movement in your tissue & fluids to remind yourself of the inner fluidity that is a resource for allowing rather than resistance. Make a sound that represents the held energy in a place that is too full. Make a different sound to represent the openness found in another location you can touch. Bring your attention & touch to a place on your body that speaks more softly than your distress. Then bring a drop of that softness in your hands as you touch the area that hold the "problem." Finish with your hands resting back in the place of softness, peacefullness or less strain as you breathe into the recognition of ease.

With so many people feeling so many things all at the same time that the collective is undergoing so much change, it is imperative that we practice not making it personal. When your translation makes it "too much" about you, you will feel drained. This will be your cue to remember. This time definitely requires self reflection, but with a softer focus so as to not inundate your body system with so much input that you are challenged to respond from self protection & generalizations. We are ALL undergoing significant change right now, whether we register these shifts consciously or not. Each individual's ability to be aware of themselves while also being aware of the collective reorganization is deperately needed during this time. We are much more useful as conduits, offering a model for allowing that can support others who are confronting the unknown aspects of their experiences in brand new ways.

This is such an important time to practice, as often as you can, not making it personal. You do matter; however, it's not about you. And for the record, there is nothing wrong with you. Instead, consider that you are taking part in a rite of passage, an initiation of consciousness that requires your full participation to allow yourself to be changed as part of the building momentum for a collective shift. You are that important to humanity's advancement.

Life is Meant to MOVE You

What in life moves you? Life invites us to engage both internal and external movement. These organized interchanges feed into one another as an important means of nourishment for building self awareness. Sometimes we feel an emotional response that brings to life a colorful landscape of nuances, and with that awareness, we move in our bodies differently. Other times, we engage the motion of our muscles and these undulations reverberate into our inner space, bringing a release of openness to life.

To be in motion is to be alive ... so what in life moves you? Have you lost touch over time with this connection? Have you started settling for an average existence, lowering your expectations or just giving up? All that is needed is to become aware. Become aware of the settling & compromising; become aware of the restriction in your self expression; become aware of the contrasts in your life ~ the limitation & the accessibility, the openness & the tension, the effort & the ease. Bring your focus back to what is most important to you, and recognize the parts you have neglected, ignored, dismissed & forgotten. Just become aware of whatever you can as you stand in this place right now. This is your starting point and your password for re-entry.

Notice if you use external movement to turn on your inner connections. Do you run, play sports, do something that gets your heart and adrenaline pumping ... and then you feel more open to life, more alive? Notice if you use internal movement to wake up your outer connections. Does the invitation to be with others motivate you to move, like exercising in a class or walking with a friend? Do you find inspiration from engaging the internal spaciousness that breathes expansion into your body and provides permission to move in your own unique way? Notice when you laugh or cry, do you hold your body still, or can you let go into the laughter or sobbing and feel the ripples of motion in your body that provide support for this release?

Often times, our symptoms bring movement into a held place of perspective. Pain brings the recognition that movement is needed. Pain can bring us into an emotional place where expression is demanded. And yet, we still resist this invitation for movement, holding in the sounds, the tears, the anger & helplessness, as if we believe that giving in will bring more of the same rather than the release that leads to freedom. Yet movement of emotion and body fosters the ability to shift in our thoughts. Our perspectives are rooted in the body, and bring together body & mind as a single sensory organ. And all this fluidity gives us a way to clear the stagnancy that interferes with our connection to what's most important in our lives. Your priorities will eventually re-emerge from the clearing of your movement.

So I ask you again, what moves you? While this is a question in search of an answer, it is also a seed for focus, an invitation to reorient to your changing needs every day. The answers may be the same for awhile, but they will eventually change, expand and reorganize. Keep asking the question like a hand extended in generosity to yourself, inviting you to grow and stretch into the unknown territory of your aliveness. Life is meant to move you ... so reach out and accept the gift of each new day with a willingness to reawaken your passion for living a life that moves you!

Fertility & Your Conscious Creation Plan

I have been observing an increased momentum in the number of women facing fertility challenges these days. This phenomenon often expresses as a desperate search for answers that will repair what has "gone wrong" in their bodies and their lives. The options available to support this search branch out in many directions, usually with a focus on controlling the body's rhythms to produce a specific result, a baby. The intention is to create life; however, so much opportunity for life-generating growth is missed when the intention is narrowed to this literal translation. Within an expanded perspective, life is created through the acceptance of conscious body wisdom and self understanding, which gives birth to renewed perspectives of trust and brings us into more wholeness in the offering of who we are.

In keeping with this expanded translation of creating life, it becomes clear that there are further aspects of fertility to explore. The urge to create is a strong and visceral body response to life that is natural and essential. But does it always mean to lead us down the path of getting pregnant and having a baby?

The drive to create is a wellspring of inspiration that dwells in every woman, to express our feminine essence through acts of creation that foster connection and meaningfulness in this world. So how can we learn to listen to our bodies and reclaim the guidance that gives us access to our own conscious creation plan ~ our innate instructions for how we are meant to express unique acts of creation & contribution in our lifetime? For some women, it will involve expressing this literal translation of giving birth to the next generation. For others, they will give birth to the cultural, social and relationship structures that will influence and guide our future generations, giving birth to the consciousness of these generations, to orient them through new perspectives to life. It is essential that we allow ourselves to care for and nurture creation in both ways as a means of seeding the inspired consciousness of our legacy.

So how can you connect to your creation plan for bringing conscious contribution into this world through the blessings of your creations? By learning to bring your awareness into your body experience, you will have access to these insights. Through the rhythms of your own unique expression of life, you can find peace and congruence with your creation plan.

Everyone breathes and moves in their bodies, but only your body breathes and moves in the distinct manifestation of your lifeforce. You can learn to recognize this undulation of life through your sensory tools. By learning to bring focused attention through your breath, movement & touch, you will be able to expand into a fuller expression of purpose in life. So if you are meant to bring a child into this world, you will find your path of ease to this opening in your body. And if you are meant to bring forth a birth of consciousness through other acts of creation, an inner peace will be there to guide you to this joyful exchange with no less wonder and intimacy than giving birth by traditional means.

As women, our essence is expressed as we give birth to love ~ love that is accessible and transformative for humankind to receive as medicine for body, mind, spirit and soul. Our gift is integration. This is why we must embrace our power of creation in all the forms that are possible. We must integrate the expressions of birth and creation, both literal and symbolic, which will invite humankind to remember and find its way back into the held space of love's womb, into the unending solace of grace and the uncompromising presence of life. There, our potential is realized.