The Recipe of Your Life

It's amazing to me how familiar we are with the concept of lack. Lack is defined as either "not having enough of something" or the "absence of a particular thing." It refers to things neglected, ignored and overlooked. It helps us to delineate what we have & who we are by what is absent. It governs what we are willing or unwilling to receive. We can recognize lack in the places where we have given up, and given in to indifference, carrying with us the ghosts of broken-heartedness, disappointment, betrayal, resentment, or simply numbness. Lack feels very real when we acknowledge the scarce or non-existent money or support in our lives. However, before the effect of lack persists in our lives, there exists a perspective of lack – the idea that something essential has been omitted. This idea compels us to operate under the assumption that what we need has not been anticipated & supplied; that something offered or promised was not fulfilled; that what should have been was not allowed or provided, causing us to go without whatever we needed, wanted or deserved.

Overall, our perspective of lack is a powerful determinant in shaping our life experiences. Given the potent influence of this perception, it is worthwhile to question where we have applied this interpretation, causing us to believe that something we need is missing in our experience. Where do you believe that lack exists in your life? What part of your life has been tucked inside the protective perception of lack? This perception helps us cope with the experiences that we cannot accept or tolerate. The idea of lack gives us a way to contain the messy effect of these experiences in our identity. Lack acts as a safety measure to help us regain a perception of control. But this perception is not a true exercise of self-authority, for as long as lack is present in our reasoning, we are living in the oppression and torment of our incompletenesses.

The assessment of lack brings with it distortion, altering our perceptions and causing us to make things personal. But in order to explore our experiences more fully, we need a more neutral or objective way of considering this element. We need a different set of assumptions to allow us to investigate our beliefs and discover new insights. What about using the concept of a recipe? Recipes give us clear guidelines by providing a list of ingredients and instructions for making something. Just as every essential ingredient is listed on the recipe (eggs, butter, flour, sugar …), so is every non-essential ingredient omitted (salt, pepper …). Sometimes a recipe offers additional options, like adding raisins or chocolate chips. Just as these extra ingredients are optional, the principle ingredients listed in the recipe are critical. We assume that the recipe's success depends upon the combination of the necessary ingredients, as well as the purposeful absence of other ingredients.

What if we viewed our lives as having a recipe? What if instead of assuming that we lack what we need – that somehow the essential ingredients to our happiness and success were overlooked, forgotten or withheld from us – instead, we took a leap of faith and accepted that the main ingredients present in our childhood were the necessary ingredients of our recipe? What if you considered that you received exactly what your life recipe called for, nothing more and nothing less? What if the parts that were "missing" are actually unessential to the recipe of your life? These questions offer a considerable shift in perspective, especially if you harbor pain for how things have been in your life. But truly, what do you have to lose … except for the familiarity and the pain?

If you believe that something has been missing in your life, and that this lack has been a handicap to you, your personal growth will remain stifled and your expression of joy will remain muted as long as this story of lack is unable to change. We are meant to grow throughout our lives, which sometimes means acquiring new experiences, and definitely means acquiring new perspectives about our experiences. Our perspectives allow us to integrate, which means to become more whole, or they can also bind us in our fragmentation, leaving us to feel separate & detached. This disconnected place is where we can feel very alone and isolated. This is a forsaken place that is entered and departed through perspective. You can choose to remain hostage here, or seek to regain your freedom.

You may have adopted your perspective of lack under duress. You may have needed it to navigate a crisis. It may have been the only belief helping you to make sense of things until now. But as long as you continue to apply lack to your life and filter the truth of your experiences, you will continue surviving. So the question that follows this awareness is … Is survival the standard of living that nurtures you? We filter our experiences to feel safe, but this filter also removes our access to the exact ingredients and instructions that transform our pain into wisdom and our sorrows into blessings. You can continue getting by, but one day for sure, it will no longer be enough. And when it is no longer enough for you to live from lack, it will be time for you to return to your recipe, with its special ingredients and instructions for making the one and only life that is meant for you.