Secrets & Miracles

I have been reminded lately about the power of secrets as catalysts in our lives. From the time we are born, we begin acquiring the rules of secrecy, both spoken and unspoken, in the expectation that we will take our place in the family as the next holder of the secrets. We eagerly learn what is needed to belong, including the passivity that gives secrets their power. We watch as those secrets command their authority over the people we love, as we come to accept the shrunken version of life that adheres to this artificial containment field. However, within a lineage of stifled truth, the innate in us will eventually find a way to break free and bring forth a rekindling of life. Eventually, a generation will emerge within each family whose consciousness will seek to take back the power of the secrets.

Secrets are a holding place for unclaimed courage. As we reawaken the desire to stand in the truth and discover our willingness to consciously participate in life, our secrets will gift back to us the power to shift our pain into freedom, our resistance into acceptance, and our loss into wisdom. This unexpected invitation reunites us with the possibility of change, opening a pathway into a realm of healing, igniting a fire within for transmutation. And this is the meeting place between the world of secrecy and the world of miracles, for healing has no rules, no limitations when we break our silence and reclaim our truth.

How can we distinguish a secret? From the Encarta Dictionary, a secret is "information that is intentionally withheld, unknown, hidden or not understood." These are the things that are not spoken about. We deem our silence as an offering of loyalty, and therefore, an alliance with love. We must withhold what we know, keep hidden what has happened, tolerate what we cannot understand, and pretend to accept that this is enough, that we don't need more or want more for ourselves & our families.

How do secrets perpetuate a legacy of disconnection for so many generations? First and foremost, secrets need agreement. In families, collusion is offered consciously & unconsciously as fuel for maintaining the bonds of secrecy. We learn what we do and don't do as a family, and the acceptance of these guidelines ensures our membership into this community. And since this group is associated with meeting our most important needs, we are willing to make the sacrifice. At the time, we are unable to truly assess the "cost" of this trade. Yet, we offer ourselves in this ultimate sacrifice, and in exchange for the love we need, we bind ourselves in silence, following the invisible footsteps of others who have come before us on a path forged by the loss of self.

The crazy part of secrecy is that no one is happy living within this system; no one thrives. It's a system of taking. As life seeks to infuse us with inspiration, we must give everything and more to preserve the containment that insures our secrets are safe. It's a substitute safety that cloaks an over-exposed time. But as time moves forward, safety is meant to be restored naturally as truths are brought back into the light of a loving and compassionate response. That response is often times not available within the family. Since the identity of the individual has been lost, the family's identity has become muddled in a pretense of arranged and dissociated living. This is where the assistance of an outsider is helpful; you do not need to make this journey alone.

Psychological & somatic practices exist to bring body, mind, emotion & spirit back into a unified state of being. The key shift is your willingness to interact with what you have previously avoided. Start exploring the questions that have formed in you throughout your life. The questions are there. We know to question what doesn't make sense, and over time, an allegiance to secrecy will produce enough disconnection that the whole will no longer make sense. "Why do we do these things this way?" "Why don't we talk about these things?" You know when the normal flow of relationship to something is being disrupted; you've just learned to accept that it is the way it is.

As you start to explore, breaking your own silence, freeing the part of you that hungers for more, this is where you enter the realm of miracles. Energy can flow where it has been constricted. Your body can relax where it has been loyal to holding. Your mind can wonder where it hasn't been allowed to question. Your spirit can recover the self you have lost. And all you are asked for entry is your willingness to know. Knowing doesn't require all the details. Sometimes the details are lost with those who pass away or those who can't let go, so know that the details are unimportant. Knowing is about a willingness to stand in the truth ~ the truth that your secrets are not who you are ... that you are so much more and you deserve a life of freedom.

I don't know where I encountered this definition, but I offer its simplicity as a guide into this new realm of self discovery:

"A miracle is merely the transition of denial into truth."

Near the end of the movie, Miracle at St. Anna, an insight is offered to the main character who has long suffered under the burden of secrecy – "Safety is the greatest risk of all, because safety leaves no room for miracles, and miracles are the only sure thing in life."

There are those of us who have recovered this spark of life and grown strong within ourselves. We have asked these questions and made this crossing. So when you are ready, we will be there to welcome you into this new realm of life and into a new community of support. When you are ready, you have permission to take back your truth, and step into your light, and claim your miracles.

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field … I'll meet you there." (Rumi)

The Questions We Ask Ourselves

The questions we ask act as the origins for how we perceive ourselves & the world. These questions lead us to organize the assumptions that define for us what's right & wrong, good & bad, and give us the outline for what we understand to be real. So when it comes to making change, looking at the questions we ask ourselves is an insightful place to start. If you are experiencing repeating patterns in life, outcomes that feel the same or similar in how they affect you, then you can know that you are asking the same questions over & over again. Sometimes, we persistently focus our attention through one particular question: "What's wrong with me?" And other times, we attempt to solicit feedback through seemingly different questions that are only variations on the same theme: "Why does this keep happening to me?" ~ questions that lead us to the exact same end point, even when we start with the best of intentions to change our trajectory. If you are ready to open yourself to new ways of experiencing life, then it's time to review the questions that you imbue with the power to guide you.

Your questions reflect your state of mind, and this consciousness directs your body movement. If you hesitate or act spontaneously, take risks or respond out of habit, over-react or pause to reflect ~ your state of mind guides your actions. Asking yourself new questions can provide a shift in perspective that will lead your body in new ways. Asking "Why won't this end?" gears your focus toward feelings of powerlessness; whereas asking the question "Why do I keep doing this?" brings your oppressed & passive viewpoint into active battle with your frustration. Helplessness assists you in moving from resistance to surrender, to a place where you can let go of the struggle. Only then can you find a direct path to connect with your inner conflicts, where your energy is summoned to wrestle for authority over your perceived bindings & limitations. From this place, it is possible to win back your freedom.

Donald M. Epstein, D.C., refers to this building momentum, in his book The 12 Stages of Healing, as "Reclaiming Our Power." This fourth Stage of Healing gives us insight to an awareness of not feeling honored in the way that we care for ourselves and live our lives. In this place of growth, you begin to recognize the incomplete needs, unexpressed desires, and withheld movement in your body. It's a time when you don't yet know how to change your relationship to these restricted aspects of your identity, but realize that you can no longer keep doing what you've been doing, in the same way, for the same reasons. If you allow yourself, you will recognize the declarations of a new language emerging: "I can't keep doing this." "I can't keep living like this." "I must let go of anything that no longer serves me." "I can no longer accept this as my standard; I deserve more." We can distinguish a sense of "more" that is needed, but remains currently undefined. This awareness demands the asking of new questions to support the body in finding a new alignment:

How can I express myself with more courage?

How can I be more honest with myself about my needs?

What must I do to no longer dishonor myself?

Start by breaking down your experience into smaller steps of connection: What feels honoring to you? As a reference, honor is associated with respect, dignity & strength. So what makes you feel strong? What actions lead you to respect yourself? When do you feel most pleased with yourself? Notice when your energy lifts and invites you to feel satisfied & proud ~ what can you observe about your behavior when you feel this way? What allows you to express your goodness? What makes it easier to trust yourself?

Then, bring your awareness to the contrast: What feels dishonoring to you? Dishonor is associated with disgrace, humiliation & shame. When can you remember feeling humiliated or embarrassed from your actions or inactions? What behaviors & perspectives cause you to hold this judgment of shame on yourself? What have you accepted that was less than what you wanted, less than what you deserved? Notice when your energy sinks and nudges you toward defeat ~ what can you observe about your behavior when you feel this way? Where in your life has it become difficult, painful or impossible to trust?

Asking new questions to support a new focus in your perception is a process. A process implies incremental steps that must be taken to make ready a new alignment for promoting growth and change. This is a natural unfolding that is meant for each of us, to open us up to life and expand our perception of what is possible. We are meant to know that we are more, that we exist as potential, ready to embrace the yearning that drives us to wake up & embody our wholeness.

Start with this moment. As you move throughout your day, continuously pause to breathe, interrupting the habit to disassociate from your experience. Take a gentle inhale through your nose, and allow your jaw to drop & relax as you exhale through your mouth. Pause and offer yourself at least ten breaths of acknowledgement. Give yourself the space to be aware of your body and all that it is doing for you. Allow your pause to include a new inquiry, checking in with the you that is changing right here, in this very moment. Ask yourself "What is different about me right now?" … different since the last time you checked in, different than you believe, different than you expect. You are changing constantly.

Sometimes our senses need time to reacclimate to the subtle. Temporarily, we can use a more familiar reference: "Does everything feel exactly the same as it always has? … as it did before?" We often start with noticing our stress, strain & symptoms. When we have neglected ourselves by becoming accustomed to a life that dishonors us, we must find the courage to notice what effect these choices have had on us. But don't be discouraged for long because our bodies literally ache to forgive us, waiting for the moment that we will breathe life back into ourselves. Our bodies will hold on, for as long as possible, waiting to receive us in that moment when we return to ourselves. It takes practice to bring attention to the places where ease, comfort, acceptance and surrender reside in us. Allow your attention to follow your breath. Somewhere in your body, the breath expands you and shows you where you can be more present with yourself. Touch this place and feel the breath move your body. Start here. This is vital proof of safety for the part of you that has forgotten how to trust.

No matter how long it has been since you have trusted, or if you feel like you have never learned, your body waits to receive you and show you the way. Trusting honors us. Trusting feeds us. When we trust, we instantaneously accept love's offering, and love is our ultimate nourishment. Find out what questions you can ask yourself to nourish the part of you that longs to trust, that hungers for the ease of accepting more love into your being. Your life is waiting for you to learn to ask the questions that will bring you to life and lead you to the love you deserve ~ the love that is your unclaimed legacy, your advisor for who you are meant to become, your blessing and your permission to be.

Practice Not Making It Personal

I have been noticing a pattern of "personalizing" as clients & friends, including myself, navigate this time of dynamic change. I have found it to be considerably challenging to maintain a focus of self exploration while also participating with awareness in the diverse changes taking place in the world right now. There seems to be an exaggerated state of "disorientation" being experienced by those who tune-in with sensitivity to the subtle energies that link us in our collective consciousness. A persistent sense of overwhelm or fullness is present. Other challenges include an increased need for sleep, depressed energy levels, anxiousness, scattered or obsessive thoughts, memory disruption, physical unrest, amplified emotional tension and intensified discharges. Release is essential but often difficult to connect with and allow. The habit is to follow the inclination to qualify these experiences with an ordinary overview: "I feel depressed," "I just can't seem to focus," I feel like crying for no reason," I feel so tired lately," I just feel so irritable," "I don't feel inspired or clear about anything." However, there is nothing ordinary about this time in our history.

We are so accustomed to making our experiences personal, reducing our exchanges with life into obsessive, unfulfilling self-reprimands: I didn't do enough, I said too much. With everything we are taught to take into consideration when engaging with ourselves & the world, it is important to be reflective of your self-connection: "How do I feel about what happened?" "How did that affect me?" The habit of making things personal interferes with our inner lens being able to focus and provide us this reflecting space, like holding a book too close to your eyes so that the words appear blurry & unrecognizable. A softer focus allows for the contemplation and observation that yields the consideration we are seeking ~ that we matter.

So how do we translate our experiences in a way that nurtures us at our core? We have the power to cultivate anxiety & self doubt or an expansion of peace & connectedness within ourselves simply through the way we translate. Interpreting your experience as I feel depressed shrinks your identity into a generalization, providing both containment and confinement. Generalizations are useful in supplementing a sense of safety when we are challenged by "too much" unknown. We are temporarily comforted by the feeling that "at least I know this." The need for temporary comfort is real at times, but ultimately, we ache to be nourished by having access to the inner connections that bring us into awareness and encourage us to flourish & grow.

Instead of generalizing, try noticing your body sensations. How could you describe the sensations in your body right now? If you have difficulty bringing this internal awareness into words, then attempt to describe the sensations you like different from the ones you don't like. Use contrast to make distinctions: "This part feels hot; this area feels cold," or tingly versus stagnant, or empty versus full. The awareness of sensations in the body brings us into a more personalized connection with ourselves. It allows us to focus on what is known in this moment, and permit the rest of the unknown variables to just be in our awareness for now.

There will be days when everything will feel so personal: Why do I feel this way? What's wrong with me? Let questions like these be a reminder that your lens needs softening. Sometimes, this can be achieved by posing a different inquiry:

How am I meant to grow by being intimately connected

to these larger changes?

What ways can I nourish myself today to feel safe in my body

so I can be more allowing of these changes?

What is the advantage for me to be stretched in this way?

Remember to allow for movement as you notice your internal sensations. Gently rock your body side-to-side or front-to-back, or in small circular motions, as your attention follows your breath. Use your hands to massage an area and generate movement in your tissue & fluids to remind yourself of the inner fluidity that is a resource for allowing rather than resistance. Make a sound that represents the held energy in a place that is too full. Make a different sound to represent the openness found in another location you can touch. Bring your attention & touch to a place on your body that speaks more softly than your distress. Then bring a drop of that softness in your hands as you touch the area that hold the "problem." Finish with your hands resting back in the place of softness, peacefullness or less strain as you breathe into the recognition of ease.

With so many people feeling so many things all at the same time that the collective is undergoing so much change, it is imperative that we practice not making it personal. When your translation makes it "too much" about you, you will feel drained. This will be your cue to remember. This time definitely requires self reflection, but with a softer focus so as to not inundate your body system with so much input that you are challenged to respond from self protection & generalizations. We are ALL undergoing significant change right now, whether we register these shifts consciously or not. Each individual's ability to be aware of themselves while also being aware of the collective reorganization is deperately needed during this time. We are much more useful as conduits, offering a model for allowing that can support others who are confronting the unknown aspects of their experiences in brand new ways.

This is such an important time to practice, as often as you can, not making it personal. You do matter; however, it's not about you. And for the record, there is nothing wrong with you. Instead, consider that you are taking part in a rite of passage, an initiation of consciousness that requires your full participation to allow yourself to be changed as part of the building momentum for a collective shift. You are that important to humanity's advancement.

Life is Meant to MOVE You

What in life moves you? Life invites us to engage both internal and external movement. These organized interchanges feed into one another as an important means of nourishment for building self awareness. Sometimes we feel an emotional response that brings to life a colorful landscape of nuances, and with that awareness, we move in our bodies differently. Other times, we engage the motion of our muscles and these undulations reverberate into our inner space, bringing a release of openness to life.

To be in motion is to be alive ... so what in life moves you? Have you lost touch over time with this connection? Have you started settling for an average existence, lowering your expectations or just giving up? All that is needed is to become aware. Become aware of the settling & compromising; become aware of the restriction in your self expression; become aware of the contrasts in your life ~ the limitation & the accessibility, the openness & the tension, the effort & the ease. Bring your focus back to what is most important to you, and recognize the parts you have neglected, ignored, dismissed & forgotten. Just become aware of whatever you can as you stand in this place right now. This is your starting point and your password for re-entry.

Notice if you use external movement to turn on your inner connections. Do you run, play sports, do something that gets your heart and adrenaline pumping ... and then you feel more open to life, more alive? Notice if you use internal movement to wake up your outer connections. Does the invitation to be with others motivate you to move, like exercising in a class or walking with a friend? Do you find inspiration from engaging the internal spaciousness that breathes expansion into your body and provides permission to move in your own unique way? Notice when you laugh or cry, do you hold your body still, or can you let go into the laughter or sobbing and feel the ripples of motion in your body that provide support for this release?

Often times, our symptoms bring movement into a held place of perspective. Pain brings the recognition that movement is needed. Pain can bring us into an emotional place where expression is demanded. And yet, we still resist this invitation for movement, holding in the sounds, the tears, the anger & helplessness, as if we believe that giving in will bring more of the same rather than the release that leads to freedom. Yet movement of emotion and body fosters the ability to shift in our thoughts. Our perspectives are rooted in the body, and bring together body & mind as a single sensory organ. And all this fluidity gives us a way to clear the stagnancy that interferes with our connection to what's most important in our lives. Your priorities will eventually re-emerge from the clearing of your movement.

So I ask you again, what moves you? While this is a question in search of an answer, it is also a seed for focus, an invitation to reorient to your changing needs every day. The answers may be the same for awhile, but they will eventually change, expand and reorganize. Keep asking the question like a hand extended in generosity to yourself, inviting you to grow and stretch into the unknown territory of your aliveness. Life is meant to move you ... so reach out and accept the gift of each new day with a willingness to reawaken your passion for living a life that moves you!

Fertility & Your Conscious Creation Plan

I have been observing an increased momentum in the number of women facing fertility challenges these days. This phenomenon often expresses as a desperate search for answers that will repair what has "gone wrong" in their bodies and their lives. The options available to support this search branch out in many directions, usually with a focus on controlling the body's rhythms to produce a specific result, a baby. The intention is to create life; however, so much opportunity for life-generating growth is missed when the intention is narrowed to this literal translation. Within an expanded perspective, life is created through the acceptance of conscious body wisdom and self understanding, which gives birth to renewed perspectives of trust and brings us into more wholeness in the offering of who we are.

In keeping with this expanded translation of creating life, it becomes clear that there are further aspects of fertility to explore. The urge to create is a strong and visceral body response to life that is natural and essential. But does it always mean to lead us down the path of getting pregnant and having a baby?

The drive to create is a wellspring of inspiration that dwells in every woman, to express our feminine essence through acts of creation that foster connection and meaningfulness in this world. So how can we learn to listen to our bodies and reclaim the guidance that gives us access to our own conscious creation plan ~ our innate instructions for how we are meant to express unique acts of creation & contribution in our lifetime? For some women, it will involve expressing this literal translation of giving birth to the next generation. For others, they will give birth to the cultural, social and relationship structures that will influence and guide our future generations, giving birth to the consciousness of these generations, to orient them through new perspectives to life. It is essential that we allow ourselves to care for and nurture creation in both ways as a means of seeding the inspired consciousness of our legacy.

So how can you connect to your creation plan for bringing conscious contribution into this world through the blessings of your creations? By learning to bring your awareness into your body experience, you will have access to these insights. Through the rhythms of your own unique expression of life, you can find peace and congruence with your creation plan.

Everyone breathes and moves in their bodies, but only your body breathes and moves in the distinct manifestation of your lifeforce. You can learn to recognize this undulation of life through your sensory tools. By learning to bring focused attention through your breath, movement & touch, you will be able to expand into a fuller expression of purpose in life. So if you are meant to bring a child into this world, you will find your path of ease to this opening in your body. And if you are meant to bring forth a birth of consciousness through other acts of creation, an inner peace will be there to guide you to this joyful exchange with no less wonder and intimacy than giving birth by traditional means.

As women, our essence is expressed as we give birth to love ~ love that is accessible and transformative for humankind to receive as medicine for body, mind, spirit and soul. Our gift is integration. This is why we must embrace our power of creation in all the forms that are possible. We must integrate the expressions of birth and creation, both literal and symbolic, which will invite humankind to remember and find its way back into the held space of love's womb, into the unending solace of grace and the uncompromising presence of life. There, our potential is realized.