I have been reminded lately about the power of secrets as catalysts in our lives. From the time we are born, we begin acquiring the rules of secrecy, both spoken and unspoken, in the expectation that we will take our place in the family as the next holder of the secrets. We eagerly learn what is needed to belong, including the passivity that gives secrets their power. We watch as those secrets command their authority over the people we love, as we come to accept the shrunken version of life that adheres to this artificial containment field. However, within a lineage of stifled truth, the innate in us will eventually find a way to break free and bring forth a rekindling of life. Eventually, a generation will emerge within each family whose consciousness will seek to take back the power of the secrets.
Secrets are a holding place for unclaimed courage. As we reawaken the desire to stand in the truth and discover our willingness to consciously participate in life, our secrets will gift back to us the power to shift our pain into freedom, our resistance into acceptance, and our loss into wisdom. This unexpected invitation reunites us with the possibility of change, opening a pathway into a realm of healing, igniting a fire within for transmutation. And this is the meeting place between the world of secrecy and the world of miracles, for healing has no rules, no limitations when we break our silence and reclaim our truth.
How can we distinguish a secret? From the Encarta Dictionary, a secret is "information that is intentionally withheld, unknown, hidden or not understood." These are the things that are not spoken about. We deem our silence as an offering of loyalty, and therefore, an alliance with love. We must withhold what we know, keep hidden what has happened, tolerate what we cannot understand, and pretend to accept that this is enough, that we don't need more or want more for ourselves & our families.
How do secrets perpetuate a legacy of disconnection for so many generations? First and foremost, secrets need agreement. In families, collusion is offered consciously & unconsciously as fuel for maintaining the bonds of secrecy. We learn what we do and don't do as a family, and the acceptance of these guidelines ensures our membership into this community. And since this group is associated with meeting our most important needs, we are willing to make the sacrifice. At the time, we are unable to truly assess the "cost" of this trade. Yet, we offer ourselves in this ultimate sacrifice, and in exchange for the love we need, we bind ourselves in silence, following the invisible footsteps of others who have come before us on a path forged by the loss of self.
The crazy part of secrecy is that no one is happy living within this system; no one thrives. It's a system of taking. As life seeks to infuse us with inspiration, we must give everything and more to preserve the containment that insures our secrets are safe. It's a substitute safety that cloaks an over-exposed time. But as time moves forward, safety is meant to be restored naturally as truths are brought back into the light of a loving and compassionate response. That response is often times not available within the family. Since the identity of the individual has been lost, the family's identity has become muddled in a pretense of arranged and dissociated living. This is where the assistance of an outsider is helpful; you do not need to make this journey alone.
Psychological & somatic practices exist to bring body, mind, emotion & spirit back into a unified state of being. The key shift is your willingness to interact with what you have previously avoided. Start exploring the questions that have formed in you throughout your life. The questions are there. We know to question what doesn't make sense, and over time, an allegiance to secrecy will produce enough disconnection that the whole will no longer make sense. "Why do we do these things this way?" "Why don't we talk about these things?" You know when the normal flow of relationship to something is being disrupted; you've just learned to accept that it is the way it is.
As you start to explore, breaking your own silence, freeing the part of you that hungers for more, this is where you enter the realm of miracles. Energy can flow where it has been constricted. Your body can relax where it has been loyal to holding. Your mind can wonder where it hasn't been allowed to question. Your spirit can recover the self you have lost. And all you are asked for entry is your willingness to know. Knowing doesn't require all the details. Sometimes the details are lost with those who pass away or those who can't let go, so know that the details are unimportant. Knowing is about a willingness to stand in the truth ~ the truth that your secrets are not who you are ... that you are so much more and you deserve a life of freedom.
I don't know where I encountered this definition, but I offer its simplicity as a guide into this new realm of self discovery:
"A miracle is merely the transition of denial into truth."
Near the end of the movie, Miracle at St. Anna, an insight is offered to the main character who has long suffered under the burden of secrecy – "Safety is the greatest risk of all, because safety leaves no room for miracles, and miracles are the only sure thing in life."
There are those of us who have recovered this spark of life and grown strong within ourselves. We have asked these questions and made this crossing. So when you are ready, we will be there to welcome you into this new realm of life and into a new community of support. When you are ready, you have permission to take back your truth, and step into your light, and claim your miracles.
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field … I'll meet you there." (Rumi)
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