The Questions We Ask Ourselves

The questions we ask act as the origins for how we perceive ourselves & the world. These questions lead us to organize the assumptions that define for us what's right & wrong, good & bad, and give us the outline for what we understand to be real. So when it comes to making change, looking at the questions we ask ourselves is an insightful place to start. If you are experiencing repeating patterns in life, outcomes that feel the same or similar in how they affect you, then you can know that you are asking the same questions over & over again. Sometimes, we persistently focus our attention through one particular question: "What's wrong with me?" And other times, we attempt to solicit feedback through seemingly different questions that are only variations on the same theme: "Why does this keep happening to me?" ~ questions that lead us to the exact same end point, even when we start with the best of intentions to change our trajectory. If you are ready to open yourself to new ways of experiencing life, then it's time to review the questions that you imbue with the power to guide you.

Your questions reflect your state of mind, and this consciousness directs your body movement. If you hesitate or act spontaneously, take risks or respond out of habit, over-react or pause to reflect ~ your state of mind guides your actions. Asking yourself new questions can provide a shift in perspective that will lead your body in new ways. Asking "Why won't this end?" gears your focus toward feelings of powerlessness; whereas asking the question "Why do I keep doing this?" brings your oppressed & passive viewpoint into active battle with your frustration. Helplessness assists you in moving from resistance to surrender, to a place where you can let go of the struggle. Only then can you find a direct path to connect with your inner conflicts, where your energy is summoned to wrestle for authority over your perceived bindings & limitations. From this place, it is possible to win back your freedom.

Donald M. Epstein, D.C., refers to this building momentum, in his book The 12 Stages of Healing, as "Reclaiming Our Power." This fourth Stage of Healing gives us insight to an awareness of not feeling honored in the way that we care for ourselves and live our lives. In this place of growth, you begin to recognize the incomplete needs, unexpressed desires, and withheld movement in your body. It's a time when you don't yet know how to change your relationship to these restricted aspects of your identity, but realize that you can no longer keep doing what you've been doing, in the same way, for the same reasons. If you allow yourself, you will recognize the declarations of a new language emerging: "I can't keep doing this." "I can't keep living like this." "I must let go of anything that no longer serves me." "I can no longer accept this as my standard; I deserve more." We can distinguish a sense of "more" that is needed, but remains currently undefined. This awareness demands the asking of new questions to support the body in finding a new alignment:

How can I express myself with more courage?

How can I be more honest with myself about my needs?

What must I do to no longer dishonor myself?

Start by breaking down your experience into smaller steps of connection: What feels honoring to you? As a reference, honor is associated with respect, dignity & strength. So what makes you feel strong? What actions lead you to respect yourself? When do you feel most pleased with yourself? Notice when your energy lifts and invites you to feel satisfied & proud ~ what can you observe about your behavior when you feel this way? What allows you to express your goodness? What makes it easier to trust yourself?

Then, bring your awareness to the contrast: What feels dishonoring to you? Dishonor is associated with disgrace, humiliation & shame. When can you remember feeling humiliated or embarrassed from your actions or inactions? What behaviors & perspectives cause you to hold this judgment of shame on yourself? What have you accepted that was less than what you wanted, less than what you deserved? Notice when your energy sinks and nudges you toward defeat ~ what can you observe about your behavior when you feel this way? Where in your life has it become difficult, painful or impossible to trust?

Asking new questions to support a new focus in your perception is a process. A process implies incremental steps that must be taken to make ready a new alignment for promoting growth and change. This is a natural unfolding that is meant for each of us, to open us up to life and expand our perception of what is possible. We are meant to know that we are more, that we exist as potential, ready to embrace the yearning that drives us to wake up & embody our wholeness.

Start with this moment. As you move throughout your day, continuously pause to breathe, interrupting the habit to disassociate from your experience. Take a gentle inhale through your nose, and allow your jaw to drop & relax as you exhale through your mouth. Pause and offer yourself at least ten breaths of acknowledgement. Give yourself the space to be aware of your body and all that it is doing for you. Allow your pause to include a new inquiry, checking in with the you that is changing right here, in this very moment. Ask yourself "What is different about me right now?" … different since the last time you checked in, different than you believe, different than you expect. You are changing constantly.

Sometimes our senses need time to reacclimate to the subtle. Temporarily, we can use a more familiar reference: "Does everything feel exactly the same as it always has? … as it did before?" We often start with noticing our stress, strain & symptoms. When we have neglected ourselves by becoming accustomed to a life that dishonors us, we must find the courage to notice what effect these choices have had on us. But don't be discouraged for long because our bodies literally ache to forgive us, waiting for the moment that we will breathe life back into ourselves. Our bodies will hold on, for as long as possible, waiting to receive us in that moment when we return to ourselves. It takes practice to bring attention to the places where ease, comfort, acceptance and surrender reside in us. Allow your attention to follow your breath. Somewhere in your body, the breath expands you and shows you where you can be more present with yourself. Touch this place and feel the breath move your body. Start here. This is vital proof of safety for the part of you that has forgotten how to trust.

No matter how long it has been since you have trusted, or if you feel like you have never learned, your body waits to receive you and show you the way. Trusting honors us. Trusting feeds us. When we trust, we instantaneously accept love's offering, and love is our ultimate nourishment. Find out what questions you can ask yourself to nourish the part of you that longs to trust, that hungers for the ease of accepting more love into your being. Your life is waiting for you to learn to ask the questions that will bring you to life and lead you to the love you deserve ~ the love that is your unclaimed legacy, your advisor for who you are meant to become, your blessing and your permission to be.