The In-Between Spaces

It keeps catching my attention how we have a collective preference for particular parts of the growth process. It makes complete sense to me why we "prefer" to be in the focused, patient, grateful and calm spaces of our experience. I understand why we want to be seen as standing in the opening of harnessed potential. This yield of personal power plants us on stable ground. And when given the opportunity to expose ourselves, we are clearly met with greater receptivity when we share from these more accessible places. But what do we do with ourselves when we are in-between these places? Collectively, we try our best to avoid being too immersed in the discomfort of the 'in-between' spaces, those gaps of transition where life seems to unravel, prompting us to feel anxious and uncertain about sharing these happenings with one another. All this effort to avoid passes along the message, "You better not go there! People won't like it; they won't know how to relate to you. Just be "normal," and say 'everything's okay.' Whatever you do, don't act too disoriented."

But really, that's all it is – disorientation. And yet, we've made it up to be this space of instability that is unsafe and scary, reminding each other to stay in the 'positive' and not give into the 'negativity.' We've become convinced that disorientation will lead us to a place where we have no control – rather than recognizing that this space is where we no longer need the control that keeps us attached and resistant. Disorientation is a natural part of the growth process. It is these 'in-between' spaces of disorientation that give us the fuel for change. And when we don't have the skills to utilize these tools, then we are subjugated to the extreme swings of the emotional pendulum that offer us the limited markers of judgment and comparison to measure our experiences – good/bad, right/wrong, positive/negative, love/hate, gain/loss, etc. Pause for a moment to reflect upon which extremes you have employed because you were unable to be present with the 'in-between' spaces of your experience.

It is a powerful tool to be able to openly acknowledge your disorientation. Sometimes, it's enough to acknowledge it with yourself by stating aloud: "I feel disoriented," or "I am disoriented right now." Aligning your conscious attention with what you are experiencing in the moment allows you to bring the power of acceptance into your awareness – to crystallize the wisdom that's needing to be extracted. Many people are challenged by the idea that if they bring their attention to what they are feeling, and it's not a feeling that they want to be having, then by acknowledging it, they are emphasizing and validating it – that by giving their "acceptance" to it, they are agreeing with it and inviting it to stay. But what's the other side of acceptance? Resistance – which is a polarized state of attraction that needs to keep a vigilant focus on what it is resisting in order to maintain its opposition. Therefore, the experience that you "don't want to be having" has to remain intact – because it's your point of attachment.

Your acceptance is a form of agreement, but not agreement for things to stay the same. The spirit of nature is change. You can do your best to resist this natural order, but change will still take place. Your willingness to acknowledge your disorientation brings you into conscious partnership with the nature of life. It allows you to be in alignment with the part of you that is needing to grow. Once you can allow yourself to make this connection, your state of consciousness can integrate the understanding that's needed and can then be transformed. At this point, this state of focused intensity is no longer needed, and is therefore released.

So, what does disorientation look like? It covers a portion of the emotional range that every human being experiences. It's not the more pleasant aspects of our emotional capacity, but remember that these are the experiences that give us the fuel to move in-between the extremes – offering a more efficient and thorough path of movement toward change. Think about the difference between plane travel & car travel. They each use a different kind of fuel and offer a different form of transport – movement – between here and there. Plane fuel burns hotter, with more intensity. It requires a more concentrated state of interaction but provides the more organized and effective path to create a shift in our location. Driving is different in the way it utilizes fuel, consuming more resources of time, effort, and attention to eventually transfer you to a new location, often in a more depleted stated in need of recovery. Car travel is like using the extremes to cause growth. The 'in-between' spaces of emotion burn hotter as fuel, and are definitely the more intense aspects of our experience to be present with, but this is also the most resourceful and effective path for growing.

We need to learn how to allow ourselves to go into states of disorientation with more acceptance – the 'in-between' spaces of agitation, impatience, frustration, annoyance, dissatisfaction, unsettledness, uncertainty and restlessness. These states of emotion bring us into questioning, so we can examine our motives, beliefs, expectations, and the results that we create from these undercurrents. They help us to build internal heat for making changes. We need this fuel to get "fed-up" with the way things are in our lives, so we will feel compelled to take risks and move beyond the familiar. We need to feel the impetus to lift our heads and look around at all the possibilities in life, and to question, "What else is possible?" We need to feel the desire to examine our wants, rather than assuming we're the same as everyone, even the same as ourselves in the past. It is essential that we be able to culminate our generalized feelings into a specific response, like when we can finally realize that we've had enough. This is part of our manifestation toolbox. It is part of our innate ability to become aware of ourselves in a new way that can cause us to realize a new way of interacting with our lives. It's how we learn that just because things don't feel "good," it doesn't automatically mean that they are "bad," and that we don't have to make things "wrong," including ourselves, in order to cause change to make life "right" for us. By bringing acceptance to our disorientation, we pull toward ourselves the change that we are craving. This unlikely combination, of disorientation and acceptance, brings volume to the voice that reminds us of our need for change.

The 'in-between' spaces will run their natural course as we give ourselves over to the movements of change. It's an interesting duality of finally connecting with your power while ultimately letting go. These spaces are the hallway between the places where we re-orient to life and express what's next. This reorganization process is not passive, even though you are being asked to let go and allow it. It is a space of transition, which is interactive by nature. Consider the word transition – "a process or period in which something undergoes a change and passes from one state, stage, form or activity to another."1  This an opening for exchange, a conversion process leading to the evolution and advancement of the life that is within you.

So, how does it support us to continue to relate to disorientation as an embarrassing gap in the coherence of life, where we hide how we're really doing from the world? I don't find this way of relating to be congruent with the love that we are capable to extending to one another, nor the love that we are in need of receiving. I'm advocating for a new way of holding acceptance for these 'in-between' spaces. I'm urging you to openly acknowledge your disorientation, and bring the strength of your agreement to this part of your experience. Give yourself permission to be seen and heard in this place, without the posturing of shame that usually makes us withhold from others while we withdraw from life to feel bad about ourselves. Bring your gratitude into your disorientation – a little joy can go a long way to help you stand in this purifying space.

It can be intense, the waiting and the emptiness, as you feel the astringent sting, and sometimes the deep burning, of being cleared out and cleaned out with the ways you used to be. But this is the nature of growth – to destroy and then give birth, and to impart its gifts fully and completely, without the small-minded consideration of pleasantries. It comes in service with a pledge of faithfulness to take us all the way with integrity and precision. And we simply get to choose – with the offering of our acceptance or the act of our resistance. Because growth has a mission, and it installs in us the mechanisms for its success if we open ourselves to accept. It moves us into the chaos long enough to become lost enough to release our attachments. And if we're willing to be led into this hallway, into the 'in-between' spaces, then we will never become lost to our truest connections of purpose and creation. If we can redefine the disorientation as a part of the energy that guides us to heal and grow, then we can utilize this conduit like a worm-hole to move through the 'in-between' spaces with the blessings of genuine receiving and the deepest commitment to the wellness of our being as we travel the journey of life.

¹Encarta Dictionary